Kills 99.9% of all germs…

You’ve all seen the ads, haven’t you? Cleaning products that are apparently so good they clean

We're safe! We're 0.1%!

“99.9% of all germs”

Yeah … Ok, if you can make this claim then you MUST know what 100% of all germs are. The only way you can deduce what is 99.9%, is if you already know what 100% is. If not, then you’re lying, plain and simple.

So, by deduction, if you know you can kill 99.9% of all germs, whay can’t you just go ahead and kill 100%? Or, what the hell is this 0.1% Super-Germ that no-one seems able to kill?

The claims are utter bullshit. Advertisers CAN’T claim 100% killing because they know it’s not true and they’d be liable for litigation if anyone got sick. So, the 0.1% is the advertisers “get-out”. If something bad happens thay just turn around and say, “Well we don’t claim it kills 100%, only 99.9%”

It’s called covering your arse, because if you don’t you cover it, your arse is out the window…

SurlySod

Why old people shouldn’t be allowed to win the lottery

Old people shouldn’t be allowed to win the lottery.

What the Hell do we want with millions at our age, for crying out loud? All we want is a tidy garden, a nice cuppa tea, and “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” on the telly. We prefer to see others winning the dosh.

Old folks aren’t expecting to win anyway. We only pop down to the shop to buy a ticket so we can get out of the house for a bit, have a chat with people we meet, and pick up the cat food for Tiddles. It’s just habit, that’s all.

Take recent multi-millionaire Brian Carswell. The 74 year-old won £25 million on the Euro Millions draw. He didn’t even know he’d won – because he just buys a ticket out of habit -  and only handed it over to the shopkeeper to check the ticket.

So what are 74 year-olds going to do with £25 mil? Brian wants a “flash car” and his wife wants her hair done and some new make-up. Oh, and a water feature for the garden… See? Oldies like us wouldn’t even know what to do with ONE million let alone twenty-five! We shouldn’t be allowed to enter the lottery, or if we do the top prize should be capped at a million, and the rest rolled over to let folks with better ideas on how to spend it win the cash.

We can’t even give it away either. If you give away cash you’ve won and kick the bucket within seven years, the recipient has to pay 40% inheritence tax. So what’s the point in the first place? No-one is exactly going to receive cash and think “Oh, let’s set aside 40% in case Gramps pops his clogs too soon…” You can imagine relatives dreading the old boy trying to give them money.

All that aside there’s the obvious health issues too. I wonder how long it’ll be before some oldie drops dead after finding out they won. It’s too much of a strain worrying about money at our age. Besides, it’s impossible to stuff under one mattress. We’d need to buy a new bed too.

It’s all too much.

Surly Sod

Don’t want a ticket? DON’T SPEED!!

Cha-ching!

Speed cameras.

Ever had a ticket? Ever had that letter through your door containing a fine for speeding from one of those automatic cameras that snaps you and bills you? Annoying isn’t it?

DON’T SPEED THEN!!

Nothing gets my goat more than people who complain about speed cameras. The only people who complain about speed cameras are the ones who get caught speeding! If you’re going to be annoyed, be annoyed at yourself for not f**king paying attention to the road and your driving like you should.

What do people complain about?

“They’re just there as a cash-raising function for local councils” Oh really? Well stop speeding and they won’t raise anything! Idiots.

“Everyone else was speeding. I was just following the flow of traffic.” No, you mean you weren’t watching your own speed. It’s always someone else’s fault … What are you, a f**king sheep?

“Police should have better things to do than catch people speeding.” IDIOTS. Speeding causes DEATHS. You’re a f**king moron if you come up with THAT reason!

Bottom line is this: DON’T SPEED, AND YOU WON’T EVER GET A TICKET. End of argument.

SurlySod

M.P.: Member of Parliament, or Manipulator of Perks?

All aboard!!

You know, some people just have a real f**king brass neck. And the ones with the brassiest neck of all are our sleazy, sound bite loving, “holier than thou, peasant”, politicians. They are a piece of work, pure and simple. While everyday nose-to-the-grindstone folks like you and me struggle to put food on the table, kept (by these same sleazebags) to minimum wage raises – if at all, laid off, made to pay extortionate amounts for petrol and utilities, these guys – you gotta love their cheek if nothing else – get expense accounts.

Not just happy with expenses, because let’s face it, a politician does run up expenses during the course of his duties – and that’s pretty fair, they’re representing our “best interests” after all, but these snivelling, sneaky rats aren’t happy with that. Oh no. Not only do they claim for legitimate expenses, they get greedy. They abuse the system. They make false claims, unethical claims, and claim literally THOUSANDS of pounds that they shouldn’t have.

What really pisses me off though, is that all this has come to light due to release of information under new freedom of information laws. So what we’re getting to see right now, is just what has gone on THIS YEAR. How f**king long have politicians been milking the gravy train to excess??

It’s disgusting. Here you have people VOTED IN to REPRESENT the people who voted them in. Gravy train?? This is more than just a gravy train. This is a gravy train you get a luxury limo ride to, and a f**king private jet away from!

Here’s just some of the things our illustrious “representatives” have claimed as “legitimate” expenses.

• Ongoing mortgage interest on second homes, AFTER mortgages have been cleared.
• Claiming repairs, home improvements, and maintenance on homes they own.
• Hundreds of pounds by one MP for “changing light bulbs”.
• Same MP (Anthony Steen) claimed a total of £80,000 in “expenses” for work on his £1M mansion, including pruning 500 trees… (he’s since resigned, ha!!).
• £2115 claimed by David Hogg, to clean the moat at his home (MOAT? Who the f**k has a MOAT??)
• David Heathcoat-Amory, Tory MP, claimed for 550 bags of horse manure! (well you can’t call it bullshit…)
• Geoff Hoon claimed for a top of the range motorised lawn mower, to sit comfortably while he does his lawn.

That’s only a few examples. It is so bad, that Parliament is sacking MPs and re-writing the expenses rule-book.

MP’s practises have now also been called into question (no surprises there, then). Practises like “flipping” the statuses of their two homes to avoid paying capital gains tax when selling one of them (you have to register one home as your main residence, if you sell the other, you pay capital gains tax). And then there’s the practise of buying a second home with taxpayers’ money, seling it later at a profit, and pocketing the cash!

MPs are now panicking. A few weeks ago when the information started trickling out, there was a unified “We’re doing nothing wrong” stand by MPs, confident they could stand firm. Then as more and more outrageous claims came to light, there was the sad and pathetic sight of MPs falling over themselves to pay back claims. Too late for many. Several, including those responsible for the examples listed above, have had to resign, because WE, the everyday nose-to-the-grindstone folks, are not standing for it.

And you now have the totally ABSURD, and AMAZING claims by potential politicians putting themselves up for election that they will “VOW TO ACT ETHICALLY”. That is nothing short of astonishing. It’s hilarious too, in that you have someone saying “Please vote for me and I’ll promise not to abuse and cheat the expense system”.

So this is what the great government system that we have has come to: claims for expenses completely unrelated to the duties of a politician; fraudulant claims of non-existant mortgage interest; cheating, yes CHEATING, the taxman by not declaring the proper status of a second home.

You or I, dear friend, would be jailed if we attempted the above.

We are governed by greedy, coniving, cheats. But, hey, what’s changed?

SurlySod

So we’re all broke…

The World's Economy

Yep, the world’s going to Hell in a handcart. We’re all broke, you see? Every country in the world is having to borrow millions and billions and trillions to hand out to failed businesses to prevent those failed businesses from dragging their countries into the economic “black hole”.

Just hold on a f**king moment. Doris, pull your knickers up, this is important. Yeah, our so-called wise leaders have pumped obscene amounts of cash into failed businesses, to let them continue operating. Christ, even though that sounds as illogical as a Bush/Blair “How to test for Weapons of Mass Destruction” seminar, you can almost … almost … grasp the reasoning were it not for one thing: If the whole world is skint, who the hell are we all borrowing from??

Where’s this super-rich entity that has enough cash to bail out a planet? Who are these mysterious people? I reckon there must be a sixth continent no-one ever told us about in Geography. I reckon that’s where all the rounded down fractions in your monthly pay go. Can you imagine how much that would come to? When there’s a natural disaster and your country announces it’s sending 300 million dollars worth of aid, even though you struggle to get a job or pay your rent, I bet that where it comes from. They all got ATM cards to this “black hole” bank on the sixth continent.

Dammit, I never did understand economics.

Surly Sod

Burger King Play Areas: Breeding Ground for Bad Behaviour

Devil-spawn playground

Hell, it’s not just Burger King, it’s McDonalds, KFC, or any other damn place that has these infernal additions to your meal “enjoyment”. I mean, what can be better while eating than the stress-inducing screams (scientifically proven) of the fruit of some trailer-trash’s loins. There are many reasons why I try to avoid fast-food outlets, apart from the obvious health threats to the longevity of my time on this planet, but these hellish contraptions are top of that list.Yep, just fill your kid with sugar-loaded fast food and drink to send them into hyperactive mode, then let them loose in the play-area.

The warning notices give stern advice, like: Parents must supervise at all times; No children under four or over twelve years old; We are not responsible for anything that happens in here.

Shall I translate for you? “Let your brats loose in here. We really don’t care what they get up to – we have a disclaimer there. You ought to watch your devil-spawn but we know you won’t, and we aren’t really that bothered – we have a disclaimer there. It’ll probably stop decent folks from frequenting our establishments but that’s fine, we know you all can’t cook anyway so we’re happy we can get daily custom from you.”

Visited one such joint today (It happens about three times a year, sadly, for one reason or another). There were about 12 kids in a tiny play area. At least one was over 12, and two were definite toddlers. One boy and his pal decided to take out the padded see-saw from the nearby under-four play area and proceeded to drag it in, up, and around the structure in the main play-area, knocking other kids over, all to the ignorance of any staff and certainly their damn parents

These places are breeding grounds for bad behaviour. Kids are quite simply allowed free reign to run riot. And don’t give me “playground pecking order crap”. The reason “parents” – and I use that term ultra-loosely – turn there kids out in there is simply to get them out of the way. They don’t care what the kids do, and aren’t interested in watching them. But to the sensible of you out there, would you let a three year old play in an area where over twelves were jumping around in sugar-induced manic activity?

Kids have always behave badly, for a number of reasons. In present times top of that list of reasons is a lack of parental attention, from parents who themselves suffered from that same lack of attention and therefore don’t know any better. Kids grow up thinking they can do what they like, and don’t understand what’s happening when they find themselves in trouble.

Ok, I’m off. I still have the ringing of children’s screams in my ears and my burger is repeating…

SurlySod